Of Love, Loss, and Life
by xsilverxlightx
Summary: This is set before Let's Kill Hitler and The End of the Road. Spoilers up to both of those episodes. I just really felt like Jack and the Doctor needed each other then.


**Disclaimer: **Don't own any of the characters (or things would have turned out very differently) and I'm not making any money off of this.

**Author's Note: **This takes place before Let's Kill Hitler and End of the Road. I finished it before both came out but felt weird about posting it when I hadn't written anything in ages. I liked it though so now that I'm posting my fics again I figured why not post it.

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><p>Jack never once questioned why the Doctor hadn't shown up since "The Miracle" had happened. Gwen didn't ask but he assumed that she'd given up hope after what had happened before. Only he knew the real reason why the Doctor wasn't there. Why he <em>couldn't<em> be there. And that meant this was his problem. He would have to solve it on his own… make due with these Americans who weren't really cut out for this sort of thing but he had to give them a chance because he had no other options and a long time ago he was given a chance that meant everything.

At first he'd briefly wondered why he hadn't received a call from Mickey and Martha but he supposed they were busy enough and besides it wasn't as if he'd told them he'd come back. So Gwen had been his lifeline, the thing that tied him to his past, brought him home, and kept him fighting. Gwen, whom he loved, but who had stated plainly she'd watch him die like a dog and he'd replied just as clearly that he'd rip her to shreds before he lost this life, so much more precious now that he was mortal again.

Between what had transpired with Gwen and the words that woman had just spoken: Angelo, the first one he trusted, first one he let in, first one he tried to make his companion like he had been to the Doctor, like Rose had been, was behind all this? It was too much. Before the conversation could continue he'd pushed a button on the vortex manipulator and disappeared. He intended to be back before they would even notice but at that moment he couldn't handle it.

"River," the Doctor sighed impatiently. "You can't just come barging in here when I'm out searching for well, you." His voice was heavy and his shoulders slumped as he leaned against the consol. Only moments before he'd refused to answer Amy's call.

"Come on, Doc. Is that any way to greet an old friend?" Jack asked, carefully avoiding asking what exactly that greeting had been about as he had a feeling it was none of his business.

The Doctor straightened up suddenly and spun to face him. "Jack," he greeted cautiously, tilting his head just slightly as he took in the man standing before him… It had happened then. Well, _was_ happening for him anyway. Jack took that as invitation enough and soon had the other man enveloped in a tight hug, pressing his face into the other man's neck and clinging to the back of his tweed jacket.

"You've changed, I see."

"…So have you." Jack tensed slightly so the Doctor didn't press the issue yet. His lips just barely ghosted a kiss to Jack's temple before he pulled back and grinned at him. "It was just a few minutes after I last saw you actually."

"I'm touched, Doc, going out of your way to make me one of the last people you saw with those gorgeous eyes?" The Doctor was glad that Jack didn't feel the need to question if he had been the last. In fact, he was quite certain Jack knew exactly who had been the last and was even more grateful he hadn't had to say it.

"Yes, quite, well," the Doctor let go of Jack completely and began to fidget with a few controls on the TARDIS. "What can I do for you, Jack?"

"Did she know? Did you tell her?"

The Doctor swallowed hard, he'd been expecting to dance around the issue a bit more first. Jack was a braver man than he was though. He bit back the sharper reply that threatened to spill out; the man wasn't trying to open old wounds. He knew Jack had loved her too after all. "No… I imagine I, er, well, the other me has by now though."

"I never thanked her," Jack stated simply. "Should have though… Losing it's made me realize just how much I've taken it for granted."

The Doctor nodded slowly as he tried not to allow his thoughts to drift back to words Amy'd said when she thought he was the clone. "Life is precious, worth fighting for, no matter how long you've lived."

"You alright, Doc?" Jack asked, watching the other man carefully. His problems felt more distant now that he was here. Things always seemed better in here. Jack had often felt like it was the one place in the universe where one could always hide from their problems, safe in the TARDIS with the Doctor… and no other companions. "Are you travelling alone now?"

The Doctor shook his head slightly, not really sure which question he was answering with the gesture. "The Ponds aren't here right now, but usually they are."

It was clearly a touchy subject so Jack let it drop for the moment rather than teasing him about what sounded like the domesticity his first Doctor had tried so hard to avoid. Jack settled onto the jumpseat as he watched the Doctor become more absorbed in the controls in front of him. Having flown with him as often as he had and with his knowledge of space crafts he was fairly certain this was all for show to give the man something to do but he didn't comment on this.

"You know, Doc, you and Rosie… you changed me more than you realize," Jack mused when it was clear the other man was up to his usual avoidance antics, always running, never stopping. He used to be that way too. Had been again after Ianto…

"More than making you immortal?"

"You know that isn't how I meant."

The Doctor stopped and spun to face Jack again, placing his hand on the back of the man's neck and gently resting his forehead against his. "You were always a good man deep down, Jack, we just helped you accept it… and it was mostly her doing, not mine." He added as an afterthought, a pained expression flickering over his features. "She was very good at that."

"You only take the best," Jack quipped, trying to lighten the situation. The Doctor beamed as he straightened up.

"Quite right… and that included you." He clapped Jack on the shoulder before sitting down beside him, shoving his hands deep into his pockets and probably struggling not fidget.

"I wanted to be like you," Jack stated softly. "Even after you'd left me. I met this man… he tried to steal my passport. I got him into America with me… didn't want to be alone anymore. I told him about a man I'd travelled with who had a companion like I wanted. I showed him an alien, stopped a plot against the president, grabbed his hand and told him to run." Jack smiled bitterly. "I guess I wasn't the best judge of character back then. He saw me get shot… when I found him again, he stabbed me… told other people… who told other people. I died more times that day than in the rest of my life, I think… Apparently he's still around, the one behind all this Miracle Day bullshit even."

"I'm so sorry, Jack," the Doctor replied earnestly. It was always difficult to see the aftermath of one's decisions, to see where you'd made mistakes. He himself tried to always act with the greatest good in mind but that didn't always happen. Even with his infinite knowledge of time and space, he could still get things wrong. There was no way to undo what had been done though and he'd no desire to get involved with this supposed Miracle, no matter how much he loved Jack. "You can't blame yourself for what he chose to become though."

Jack shook his head. "I left him. I was so angry. So hurt. I couldn't stay. Hell, I jumped off of a building to get away."

"Sometimes running is the only option," the Doctor responded, though he sounded less sure of himself than Jack would normally have expected. "But sooner or later, we all end up having to face the consequences."

Jack nodded slowly and stood up. "I should probably go back." A part of him wanted to ask the Doctor to let him stay and never go back but he couldn't do that, wouldn't do that. Instead he reached forward and wrapped his hands around the other man's braces. "You know, I kind of like the new look."

"Bowties are cool," the Doctor automatically replied somewhat defensively.

Jack grinned. "Never said they weren't. With the jacket you've got the whole sexy old school professor thing going for you."

The Doctor cleared his throat and adjusted his bowtie. "Yes. Well. You're not really one to talk about old school."

Jack laughed. "I've got you to thank for that as well, Doctor. You're the one who taught me it was best to stick with a classic."

"You didn't always dress like that when you were travelling with us," the Doctor pointed out, somewhat uncomfortable with finding yet another way he'd influenced this man, for better or for worse.

"Wasn't trying to be like you yet then… But now I really should go. Angelo's men kidnapped Gwen's family to make her turn me in. Everyone's safe but it's time I dealt with this, I suppose."

"You're a good man, Jack," the Doctor told him sincerely. "Don't ever forget that." Jack smiled and pulled the Doctor to his feet by his braces before pressing his lips to his in a chaste kiss.

"Thanks, Doctor… You are too, you know." Jack pressed the button on his vortex manipulator and returned to Gwen and the others only a moment after he'd disappeared.

The Doctor blinked. This regeneration never seemed to handle being kissed particularly well; perhaps it was a reaction against his previous form. He shook his head to regain his composure before quickly flicking a few controls on the consol. It was time to go get the Ponds.

Amy and Rory weren't quite sure what to make of it when they entered the TARDIS and Moonlight Serenade was playing softly from the speakers. The Doctor had traded the tweed jacket to which they were so accustomed for a long military style coat. If emulating a better man had worked for Jack then maybe it would work for him too.


End file.
